The Satine Phoenix Experience

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Hi everyone. I know its been a long time since i’ve written anything. I’ve been working 14 hr days but at least its art, right? :D 

download boo So, things have been quite different in the Casa De Sea Monkey household.

I have a new roomate. Kade, a male performer from SF who practically lives the kinky lifestyle. Its refreshing to be around since I haven’t done any s&m in my real life since my ex over a year and a half ago (and in vegas.. but with hosting http://theultimateafterparty.com comes great responcibility). I mean, for work, yea. It’s fun and safe at work. So as most people live their kinky fantasies through the videos i’ve made, I get to remember what it is like through his escapades. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy passion and excitement and some kinky fun time sometimes and with my experiences I’m able to take it as far as humanly possible or reign it back as is needed. But since i’ve not worked much this year, i’ve been working on my true passion: creation. Art. I’ve been finishing Paintings and working on this Animation project. My Dual 24 inch monitor (one a new imac) set up and light table has really made this solo project much easier. When I accepted making a 3 minute animation on my own in two months I got a bit nervous. I didn’t have the tools for it.  I haven’t animated in almost 10 years… but its funny how things just come back to you. Its been like riding a bike. And now with this new set up i can do my 2 d animation on the computer. Brilliant. Burning Quill (my art company) is more than just a fun idea now. This project is the beginning of yet another life in my lifetime only this time my lives are blending together. Instead of starting from scratch i’m utilizing my past experiences to excite this new life. An Actress, A banker, A programmer, A stripper, A porn star… all experiences to ripen my art and to give life to fantasy and ideas. I’ve lived the extremes. I know how it TRULY feels to give in, to love without abandon, to hurt at the brink of life. To be intoxicated by life, to live, to live, to live in so many ways. 

My Art. I’ve started a series of paintings that are bound fantasy creatures. I’ve started 3 books. One that i can talk about is my graphic novel based on my DMT experiences. Creating a line of scents with http://www.rosayfruta.com/. And my friend Geoff and i have started a Merkin Making business. A few weeks ago when I chopped off all of my hair Geoff came by to help me finish the chopping and we didnt know what to do with all of the hair that was left over. One of us mentioned Merkins and we started googling them. There was one website that sold them and one wig maker that sold a scragley one. We decided  we could make better ones. So we did. Two big furry ones!! Mine’s name is Jezebel. she’s CRAAAZY. So Geoff and I are Merkin Makers. Just another gig this crazy art chick is doing.

Working working and more working.

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And when i’m not working, those few days in the month when my schedule allows… i party. zero to 60 … and back again.

This year’s birthday was a 4 day party. Wed was a super fun double b day party at the Edison for Syd Blakovich and I. We have the same birthday and Nica Noelle shot our first scene together a few days before. Before this was after Nica’s “how to make porn well” class at the hustler store. I often forget that I do porn when i’m not making it and its fun to meet fans … and faking an orgasm on the spot was pretty fun too, though I refuse to fake one when i’m playing off camera. I enjoy the action of intimacy. The big bang is just a bonus. (and holding it back for that 10 min release is pretty awesome), but I digress. The party at the Edison was really fun, not to mention so many over sexed bisexual women loaded with absynthe is a good time had by all.

The second Party was in vegas. A day at the Canyon Ranch Spa in an Ayervedic massage & facial, dinner at Nobu and 5 girls and one guy Destroying the Batchelor Champagne room at a GINORMOUS Strip club, then falling asleep as breakfast is being delivered. But lets go back to the strip club. I like to pick out a couple of hot girls, then go directly to the champagne room. This time, we broke the stripper pole, a karaoke machine and although there’s no sex in the champagne room with guys… we sure were getting it on. I love slutty strippers. I especially love slutty strippers who have had crushes on me (and visa versa) for years. needless to say: a good time was had by all.

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Third Party and hangover ridden (i did say 0 to 60) i spent most of the day in bed but late night my girlfriend (who’d flown in earlier in the day) and i went to a club to meet a couple of talented writer/actor friends of hers. Cute and nerdy. She and I couldn’t resist and snatched him up and warped his evening. And in the morning we scurried off leaving the Venitian penthouse as big and empty as we found it.

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Fourth Party… and the last partying until the animation is done. At the Broadway Bar in Downtown LA. A Joint Party, the third annual Sunevil/Satine Phoenix (EVIL-PHOENIX) party. Should be called Party o’Debach. It started off as a much quieter party. A party to end the partying, then someone started buying patron shots and my buddy Geoff brought pop rocks, and Mustaches and a candy necklace… then things happened, party moved to my place… In the morning I took a walk around the loft. I had made popcorn and when i get really drunk i do two things one of which is throw food at people, in a fun way. 

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Its 3am… and i’ve got much more to do before i go to sleep and wake up to dive into it again. 

Good night and thanks for playing :)

So, I’ve got Cable TV now. One of my girlfriends stays with me when she’s in town and wanted to watch “Daytime Television”. I have nothing against other people enjoying it, i personally cant believe what i see on TV… its disgusting. It represents a part of America that needs guidance. … some Day Time TV. Today she wanted to watch Charm school. Cool. Lets see what these wacky girls were up to. This season you had girls from other shows like Rock of Love and another one i cant remember the name of. Not only did they pit Blacks Vs Whites on the show but they had Ricki Lake hosting the show. I was kind of excited to see modern human drama… but it wasn’t. it was like putting lions and wolves in a house together. Totally disturbing. And Ricki… oh Ricki. She was on it, looking great and then had to open her mouth about one of the girls that really got to me. One of the girls was an ex porn star named Brittany Star. Brittany mentioned things about female empowerment and first Striker basically called Bullshit (he is a Dean of the Charm School) and Ricki basically stated that she disapproved and was disgusted by the fact anyone would relate female empowerment with porn. These were her personal views on Porn and it was so strange… the whole ordeal was mind numbing. I felt like I was in the movie idiocracy. I mean… every single girl was drop dead Beautiful!! So many types of insecurities at mercury rising extremes boiled throughout the show. The fact that they had a full bar in the house and let the girls make assholes out of themselves on public television showed that they had no regard in trying to help any of these girls. They just wanted drama, and when they got it and a girl got assaulted or was threatened to be assaulted or when one feared for her life… they started realizing that these girls were capable of going much further than was entertaining. 

These girls are on the show to make money, to be the winner in the end. … but some really want help. Some are just screaming for therapy inside and its being filtered outwardly, destructively. It was kind of like being in the dressing room of a strip club. (there were strippers on the show) 

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Mostly I’m pissed that the porn girl was picked on and treated like a piece of trash, most girls judging her based on the fact she did porn. One girl mentioned that stripping was disgusting. … and I know that these are all personal opinions, I just don’t understand why we, as a country, as individuals… in this day and age… are still looking at these alternative careers in such a filth ridden light. 

Oh well, guess I should just stay away from visual junk food.

and now I’m going to hide in my art room, away from the drama.

~S

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i’m so stoked. i just got hired by RAO Entertainment to produce from beginning to end a 3 minute animation to put into their Fetish Movie. Its pretty much a dream come true. I just sent them the work schedule and will be hard at work every day for the next two months. 

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I’m so excited i cant contain myself. 

It just feels right. I mean, i went to school for this… spent the past 5 years living life and gathering experiences to make my illustrations and animations come from reality rather than just a fantastic idea. 

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And i’m so stoked that i get to do every stage of the process. I never wanted to work for another person, drawing their drawings. 

…..

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So, one more shoot tomorrow and a “How to make a porn” at Hustler Store in Hollywood (i’m assisting Nica Noelle with Elexis and Kylie Ireland.) on Wed… then my birthday on friday in vegas. and that’s it. no more events till the black and blue ball in Dallas. coupon rogaine

Back to work… yeeeehaaaawwwwww

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~S

Hey everyone. Come support my friend and raise money for Aids research. I’ll be donating a piece to his art auction and i’ll also be attending. Yep.. its in SF. 

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~S

VelowBrew Art Auction!!!

Date: Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Time: 8pm tll late
Place: Space gallery, Polk St., SF

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“Here it is, the big event. Several of my artist friends have commited to producing beautiful pieces of art that we are going to auction off. I am also selling homebrew beer to raise funds. It’s a beautiful homemade piece of design and an amazing gift. I handlettered and illustrated a booklet that goes along with it. You can get a limited edition poster, and beer will be available. Please invite all art and beer lovers you know to help me find homes for the art, and help me pedal down the coast.” – Colin Sebestyen

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May is almost always a very hard month for me. My birthday is May 22nd and then there’s mothers day. A month earlier, is my mothers birthday. its hard because I’m not close to her, never have been. I have my own opinions of her life and choices as a human being in relation to herself and her view and treatment of others. There’s the memory of an event that happened the day before my birthday in the past that i mourn. Yes it was a choice that i had made, a choice that could have changed my and anothers’ life completely, but i made the choice. I also have, in the past, chosen to mourn this event every year. And with all these things floating over my head I’m surprised that this month is actually going very well. 

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The depression starts April 1st: my mothers’ birthday. It hit me this year harder because of a breakup and the realization that the choices i’ve made have altered my own reality in ways that i did not expect. I hurt. I mourned. I felt pain and sadness and deep dark brooding depression. I’ve been hiding from friends in my home boiling the depression, feeding it. But this year, I’m fighting it even though I’m still feeling it. I know its healthy to feel and mourn and experience these sadness’. But the world keeps on spinning, people keep on living and dying and suffering and partying and laughing and feeling and meeting and breathing and striving.  I could analyze life left and right, day and night. The truth is that with or without you, things move forward. You make the choice of how long you sit in your feelings. That is to say that what you feel IS valid and you should experience and feel. But your life keeps going. Bills keep piling, cats still need to be fed… weather or not your sad. So… feel, process, but keep moving forward.  I have decided to do that because I’m lucky to feel these feelings. I know this. I am lucky to live such an intense life that i really don’t know where i’ll be in a month or year. 

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Living outside of the box/matrix is difficult because i’ve surrounded myself with people who still live in the structure of our society. Who still live in the beliefs and values  they were taught by their families who themselves had no manual of how to do it “right”. We are surrounded by conflicting directions. I can figure out how to live in the most healthy way for myself and there will always be someone who looks at me like I’m crazy. That working out so much is crazy. That not drinking is crazy. That being a vegan or even vegetarian is crazy. These comments make me and people like me question ourselves. Why was i born in a society that doesn’t understand my sometimes kinky adventurous non monogamous nature? Why is what i choose to do or how i choose to live “bad” and worth trying to “save”? Why is there such a terrible stigma to being a “hippy” or living in a commune? And though i have all these “alternative” lifestyle choices, it doesn’t mean that i should be treated like a non human. I still feel and love and want to connect and meet someone who i want to fall in love with and have a family with. I just want to do it differently. But doing it differently is difficult. There’s things like child protective services who, based on THEIR personal judgement, has the power to take your child away from you. (something my younger sister has just gone through though now has her daughter) That is more than wrong, but the way things work. but I’m tangenting. …

Through self evaluation and taking the time to stop, i’ve been able to figure out why i do things, why i hunger for connection but never hang out with those i call friends. I’m hungry for it because… I have a problem connecting with people. That’s hard to admit. People see me as this crazy social butterfly. I put myself in wild situations and do the most awesome things. but between those things i spend most of my time alone, afraid to really connect with people due to the avoidance of drama and people being mistrusting and using information about me against me. Its happened all my life, the first time happened when i was in junior high. vividly i remember the moment. 

My point is that i feel very lucky to have been able to feel all these feelings. The spectrum of emotions life can possibly offer so far. I know many people who wonder what it could be like, who have told me they live vicariously through me and i understand that not everyone is able to be so bold as to change their thinking to be able to do what i do. So, for the first time in years, I’m living through May. All these traumatic feelings, all these deep emotional revelations are just what one feels when living the way i do. And i say “I accept the challenge”. This doesn’t mean I’m immune to the sadness or depression, i just can see it from a different perspective. 

Those 4 lessons i’ve mentioned in my past blog are really important to remember when the weight of others bears down on you.

*don’t take things personally

*don’t assume

*be true with your word

*do your best: no more no less.

Yea, about twice a year i get in this super serious mode where what i write are all very personal thoughts and feelings. Its probably because the rest of the year I’m out being a crazy party girl. Maybe this is my balance. Either way, thanks for paying attention.

“I am what i am, and that’s all that i am.” – Popeye

Hi Everyone,

The weather is warming up and I just left the Agency i was with and have decided that i want to travel around america shooting Porn and Bondage porn. If you shoot, or know of anyone shooting in the areas listed at the bottom of this post, please let me know.

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I’m going to book my tour around who’s available and various Fetish Events. I’m available for:

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From the softest most innocent to really hard core predicament and intense scenes.

Cities i’m looking to travel to: Seattle, Dallas, Tampa, Ft Lauderdale, Miami, New York, Montreal, Arizona, Las Vegas, Sacramento, San Francisco, … and cant forget to shoot where i live: Los Angeles.

Check out more photos at http://myspace.com/satinephoenix

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*ask about hard limits. Scat play is one of them so dont ask.

Things havent been too crazy. i’m unable to work for another week or so, my bruises are still pretty bad.  My boyfriend cringes every time he sees them. I understand and try to explain that it was worth it. He understands, its just an eye full. Looks really intense. … and it was. Beautiful and intense.

I’m not with my agent anymore so i’ve been going to porn parties. They’re fun, but not really my cup of tea. they remind me of Soda pop. 

HOWEVER… last nights was really super fun. There was alcohol involved and that always helps. Pennies for Puppies. Thanks Rober’ and Diana Lauren for putting this together. I played around and/or hung out with Evan Stone and his girl, Devin and her guy, Darryl hannah and her guy, Justice Young, September, Derrick Pierce, Ron Jeremy Celese Star… and MANY more. It was S’s first porn party. I was drunk. … and slutty. How could i not make out with all these people i’ve had sex with and/or wanted to have sex with. The best that i’ll be fantasizing about for a while was introducing S to Derrick Pierce and watching them talk about MMA & art stuff. I was drunk but the visual was super fucking hot! now THAT would be a hell of a threesome. They’re so different physically and so much fun. Purrr… hitachi break.

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…

.. ok back. It was really fun though because S totally had a good time. I got to be fun crazy satine that most boyfriends dont get to see because they’re so busy getting jealous… and then we went home together and had a LOT of awesome sex. being with someone who understands me this way makes me feel so free. like i can fly.

So… right now i’m obsessed with getting better at my technical art skills. My boyfriend is a pretty amazing artist and without saying anything, he makes me want to be better. It reminds me of art school’s idea of creative competition. you’re not really competing but there’s an un spoken drive that you get when you want to be the best. i’ve been missing that. I enjoy the way he challenges me in that regard. But he as a person, as a human being, as the male in my life, makes me want to work out more, makes me want to eat better, be nicer, smile longer, do more of what makes sense to my soul. Its pretty awesome.

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So, here are two photos (at the bottom). one before and one after photoshop.

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Originally uploaded by Satine Phoenix

from my set a year ago at bootifull.com’s place in my room. musta been 3am

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I posted this about the show last friday… some of you might not be members of kink.com forums. you should sign up :)

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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2nd of Chad Michael Wards moment at my house. January Seraph made Strawberry short cake. We ate that afterwards. the funniest thing is that my cats like to live in this wheel chair and i ended up having cat hair all over my body. … the POINT … is i fucking love my bruises. and my weelchair.. and my wallet holsters and Chad captured it. Thanks Chad.. and Thanks Ms. Wonderland.. for having great tits for me to perv out to.

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